A tear in the fabric

Really, I have. Honestly. I swear on whatever really desperate people swear on, like parents' graves or their best friends' lives. I promise, with all my badly bruised and emaciated heart. I have tried. I have tried, emphatically, fanatically, and relentlessly to get over him. I have tried it all. I tried rekindling things, with a failure of epic proportions. I tried "the best way to get over someone is by getting under someone else," the clause to which, however, is that you must be under the someone in question at some point in time in order to get under the next candidate successfully. I tried petitioning for assistance, which he had pledged after reluctantly dropping me off into the "friend zone" when he was unable to ascertain why I didn't give him the personality he desired from me. I tried reasoning him out, to the "n'th" degree, all possible and/or viable logical courses, of course, dead-ended, matters of which mean nothing to a forlorn heart. I tried drinking him out, which lead summarily to vast oceans of tears. All of this while grappling with the very brutal reality that I was in the immediate process of losing my immediate family for all eternity. Over money, insecurity, and power struggles, of all the foolish things. This was while I was in Boston. One night, in early July, my heart manifested the phrase "I loved him then, I love him still. I always have, I always will" onto a scrap of paper. I used it as a bookmarker as I read my deceased mother's copy of "Eat, Pray, Love," which she had never managed to finish. After returning to Houston, my heart still ached for him. This is going on 5 years of separation. I wouldn't say I stalked him for the first two weeks; it was involuntary. My heart instructed me to drive, and so I went. I saw him one night, on the phone, in the shadows, as he walked down the driveway. His stature and gait were unmistakable, even in the darkness. My eyes would know him anywhere. Eventually, with some guidance from the Lord (which would be suitable for a different post), I managed to corral my erratic behavior. I set up a profile on a Christian dating website, and was "pre-dating" someone for about three weeks when I decided it just didn't feel right. I gave it my best, but that spark just wasn't there. That was two nights ago. It took one night's sleep to get me thinking about Jason again. Then, in my facebook feed tonight, something strange appeared. I honestly could not believe my eyes, and I have yet to discern what It means.